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Microsoft’s Xbox One Reveal Recapped in Rhyme

The show fell flat, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with it.

Inside a big tent out in gloomy Seattle; Journalists arrived like a herd of nerd cattle.

Oh what, oh what, oh what would it be; Durango, Infinity, or just Xbox 3?

Microsoft let loose a name guessed by none; The system is called the Xbox One?

One, not three, not seven-two-oh; But One just because Microsoft made it so!

Clouds and apps and uber Kinected; Traditional gaming feels all but rejected.

The Xbox delivers all your favorite shows; How it all works? Well nobody knows.

Favorites, suggestions, and news in the Guide; Just pray that our porn habits we can still hide!

Hardware is governed by OSes three; Three OSes, really? Oh how can that be?

One for Windows and one for hardware; The final makes sure that the first two play fair.

Kinect now watches with stunning precision; You can’t turn it off, you can’t make that decision.

By now idle hands they were clapping quite loud; They probably should skip all these shots of the crowd.

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Screenshot Scavenger Hunt #029
Screenshot Scavenger Hunt #029, Click to see the full size image.
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With Forza MS now set the day’s tone; Substantial gameplay would not soon be shown.

EA showed Ignite and the future they’ll make; The assets were real, but the gameplay was fake.

Fifteen, yes fifteen! Fifteen platform exclusives; Forget that Kinect just might be so obtrusive!

Fifteen, yes fifteen! Of fifteen captive games; Eight will boast original names!

Ryse is one, Quantum Break makes for two. That leaves six more exclusives all totally new.

A woman introduced a woman who introduced a director you’ll know; Spielberg is to helm a serialized Halo!

On Xbox Football will be different not same; This partnership deal came off a bit lame.

We arrive at the end but oh what a beauty; Not exclusive I know, but the next Call of Duty!

Guns, grenades, and maybe landmines; The big revelation? A squaddie canine!

The manliest man will probably cry; for that dog, in the end, he surely will die. (Why god, why?)

Lights went up, stuffed shirts left the stage; The Internet broiled and sweated with rage!

“A console’s for games and games it should play! Connectivity and tv should just go away!”

“A fee for used games!” the outrage grew loud; Self publishing indies will not be allowed?!

“You idiots forgot to include the gameplay!” “Wait for E3? Why that’s THREE weeks away!”

“A joke! A sham! We’ve all been bamboozled; Tricked! Cheated! And even flam-floozled!”

The show lacked direction, the message was muddled; The lack of wow-factor, it left us befuddled!

But before we pass judgment there’s more we should know; Surely we’ll see come the E3 expo.

Posted in by Steve R Gibson on May 22, 2013


  • BiffMcSkylark Gaming

    This is so F***ing great I’m beside myself lol

  • MyBodyIsReady

    Oh how gamers cried, “what was that?!” “We need more”
    “Oh screw it” most said, “I’ll just buy PS4″.